1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
