Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
