Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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