I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
