so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
