Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
