We're facebook friends in real life
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize