I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
