Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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