I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
