i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The ass gains better be worth it
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