I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
