Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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