i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
