No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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