When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
