I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she peed on how many people?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
