Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
