We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
