Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize