i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
