Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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