So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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