Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
