I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
