he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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