so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
