had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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