My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
