Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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