So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My bed smells like the plague
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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