you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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