listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
