he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
