Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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