I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
