There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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