is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
