I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
