I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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