I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize