im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
