i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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