On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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