Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
