is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
