Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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