As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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