How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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