oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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