it was like eating out sand paper
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
