Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
