Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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