But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
