I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
