I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
