Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
