Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize