god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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