ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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