Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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