the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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