Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
