Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize