My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
