is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
