we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
babies were throwing up all over the place
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Drunk is a universal language darling
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