He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
