you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
