he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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