So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize