this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
