So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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