I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I need to stop coming to work sober
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
