someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
