We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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