Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
