I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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