just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
