She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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