Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
