what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Are we still banned from the library?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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