Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
