Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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