Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
