the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
